Media Bitchfest

MBF World News Weekly 12.1.06

December 1st, 2006 by Justin

In an uncertain world of turmoil and strife, whom can we turn to for a summery of happenings from this, our global village? The answer is Shaun Barnes, his column begins now…

Well folks, that’s it; it’s game over for North Korea. Although the spunky little Stalinist dictatorship had a good run from its great 1950 southern excursion to its recent acquisition of nuclear weapons, its fate is sealed now that the US Department of Commerce has discovered its terrible weakness:

In a novel effort targeting the lifestyle of North Korea’s eccentric president, the Bush administration wants to make it tougher for him to buy iPods, plasma televisions, Segway electric scooters and more.

Yes, the administration has recognized that without his morning Segway ride around Pyongyang and the sonorous intonations of Avril Lavigne’s voice to carry him through the day, Kim Jong Il will have no choice but to disarm and abdicate in favor of a democratic North Korea. It seems to me that when sanctions designed to “[aggravate] a foreign leader” are heralded as an innovative new response to a diplomatic impasse, we’ve suffered a derailment of the creativity train. Although, I suppose it is tough to come up with sanctions for a country whose major industries include “firewood gathering” and “testicular electroshock therapy”. Still, how about some lateral thinking? What happened to the good old days of sending messages through ping-pong, political assassination, and the occasional CIA-backed coup d’etat? You’ve gotten sloppy America, sloppy.
NEWS AND NOTES

• Vladimir Putin, in the conservatory, with the polonium-210

• Iranian President’s letter appeals directly to “‘God-fearing, peace-loving and justice-seeking’ American people”; Mormons didn’t even know he cared

• Think twice before accepting that Myspace friend request “~~@~Divine_Hammer_of_Apostates_and_Crusaders~@~~”

Posted in World News Weekly

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