Rob <3s Technology: My $1,000 Thursday
November 15th, 2006 by Rob
Rob Howard was created by Man.
He Evolved.
He Rebelled.
He Looks and Feels Human.
He is even programmed to think he is Human.
There are many copies.
And he has a Plan.
Rob <3 Technology appears Wednesdays and begins now...
The long-delayed PlayStation 3 is finally ready to hit stores this Friday, and after nine months of delays, a ridiculous price tag and a halving of the launch shipment, we know 
we can count on Sony for one thing: to screw everyone that cares about them, and ruin Christmas for sweaty fanboys everywhere.
Such hooligans are already gathering at their local Best Buys, eagerly awaiting the opportunity to pay for a system that retails at $599 (or $499 for the rarer “entry-level” version) and is so expensive and difficult to manufacture that Sony can’t even meet its pre-order promises. Gamestop stores, for example, sold eight pre-orders per location, and they just announced that they doubt they’ll get enough systems from Sony to cover it. Even Sony’s prediction that they’ll launch with 400,000 American consoles is too optimistic for some analysts, like this guy, who claims that “retail sources” suggest to him that the number is closer to 200k.
So Sony gets screwed, because they can barely produce enough of the systems to lose all their money as planned. Retailers and game publishers suffer, because the shortage means there are less PS3 owners out there to buy games. Gamers suffer, because they will soon realize what I learned at E3 in May — that the PS3’s software lineup is at best a lame upgrade of what’s out there now, and the Nintendo Wii, which launches on Sunday and will likely have quadruple the number of consoles in stock, is going to own the next generation of games.
There’s really only one group that’s in business here, and it’s certainly not these assholes camping out in shopping plazas or the ones getting kicked off the Best Buy sidewalk by the cops. It’s the budding entrepreneurs who realized that, amid all this chaos, they can auction their coveted PS3s to idiots for triple the retail price. So if you’re bored tomorrow and want to make a quick $1,200, head over to your local Target with a lawn chair and some hot cocoa. Then, if you can survive the night of Jedi sword-fights with other campers, grab one of the five PS3s they have in stock and haul ass to Ebay. It’s as easy as that — people are already paying $2,000 for the chance to touch the tangible proof that Sony has one foot in the grave.
So yes, I’ve played the PS3, and I think it kind of blows. And I probably won’t watch a Blu-ray DVD for years. But if you’re anything like me (fake job, wants a quick grand), I’ll see your ass in line.
Rob Howard founded the nefarious Diversion Publishing empire. He lives shrouded in mystery and can be reached at Rob@DivPub.com
3 Responses to “Rob <3s Technology: My $1,000 Thursday”
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Steve Kovach wrote on 11/16/06 at 7:00 am :
I work at Best Buy in Dewitt. Last night I took an average of 5 calls an hour about the PS3. How many we’re getting in, when the line starts, etc. My manager has already called the cops on some kids trying to get in line.
Noralil Ryan Fores wrote on 11/16/06 at 9:40 pm :
On an unrelated & yet semi-relevant note, everyone in my office plays Guitar Hero. What thoughts do we have about this?
Fosomax or lipitor going generic. wrote on 02/25/08 at 3:42 am :
Side effects of generic lipitor….
Lipitor problems….