Media Bitchfest

Katie Couric Debuts (TV News Still Sucks)

September 6th, 2006 by Justin

So for the first time in recent memory I sat down in front of the television and watched a 6:30 news program from start to finish. I really have no idea why I wanted to see Katie Couric begin a job that won’t require her to stick a camera up her asshole; it just kind of seemed like the thing to do. So, in honor of a good friend of mine named Eric “Snowflake” Grymkowski, who just happened to begin blogging yesterday (how exciting*), I will rate the maiden broadcast with a little device we like to call Cheers and Jeers:

Cheers- To keeping shit quick. Katie’s format seems to be pumping a big story up front and then jamming about 45 headlines in before the first break. I can only assume this is the “new media” influence everyone talks so much about. On the up side, it’s better than assuming that nobody heard about the Croc Hunter dying and doing 3 minutes on him, but it still is half stepping.

What if they used key words like, for instance, blogs do? Let’s say Couric does a quick headline recap of a news story (about Cockhammering) and on the screen some quick facts can flash along with a very simple web address like CBSNews.com/Cockhammer. That page will index all the Cockhammer related stories and anyone who wants to see more can go. Remember the internet is about options, if you are going to be like the internet you need to give people a bunch of ways to read about Cockhammer.

Jeers- To the new Free Speech segment, basically just a talking points, Op-Ed piece from a random contributor. Sports Center used to do something similar with newspaper columnists in the pre-PTI days.

This would be great if it was like a comments section, where random ass people could put in their two cents. But instead we get Morgan Spurlock (fresh from giving Vito the New Hampshire surprise on the last season of The Sopranos) talking about how divisive our country has become.

Okay, New Rule (I’m stealing it Maher, fuck off): you can’t talk about how our country is parted with a false divide when you make your living exploiting that divide. Two nights ago I watched Spurlock on his FX show ranting about how the government keeps the prison system running to benefit uniform distributors, amongst other profiteers of the (orchestral swell) Prison Industrial Complex. He uses a style cribbed directly from Mike Moore, right down to the silly cartoons that illustrate his finer points. Would you take Boris Yeltsin seriously if he was talking about the dangers of alcoholism? Andrea Yates on child safety around the bathtub? The Hells Angels about rape?

Oh and although Couric made a big point about the segment itself illustrating the middle ground of America with a thousand shades of gray, we have Spurlock in the first edition and she teased Rush Limbaugh for Thursday. I haven’t seen a black and white distinction like that since the basketball scene in American History X.

Jeers- It’s still TV News. It’s still cribbed for the “exclusive” factor. It’s still seems trite and pandering for shock value when one can educate one’s self so much better with the voluminous text-based news sources available in this modern day.

The big exclusive last night was about how the Taliban refuses to let you call it a comeback since (as first reported on CBS) they’ve been here for years. But all we see is one town overrun by “al Qaeda’s best friend**” and get some Army quotes to confirm it. Oh and the pretty reporter makes a big scene about how much danger she was in. Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh.

Great, but what does this mean in the big picture? Do they have the capabilities to overthrow the government? Are they a political force like Hamas? Are they getting foreign aide from the region like every other terrorist group? Why are they doing PR with a CBS camera? By stopping at “THE TALIBAN’S BACK!” you cheapen the deeper context of the story, but then again, this is why I stopped watching TV news.

Also, The Wire is back on HBO’s OnDemand and the first episode is fucking killer.

• She was kind of good. Kind of [WaPo]

• Gawker does a catty little round up of the rest [Gawker]

*Maybe just a little exciting

**Actual quote from Katie.

Posted in Diversion Publishing, Cockhammer, Gawker, Katie Couric, CBS

10 Responses to “Katie Couric Debuts (TV News Still Sucks)”

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3. ks wrote on 09/14/06 at 1:24 pm :

   katie couric is terrible as a news anchor. she looks like an old bag and she’s boring as hell. when you watch her, you know she doesn’t give 2 craps about the news - its all about the big dollars for her. she’s sucking cbs dry. give me campbell brown any day.

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   Katie Couric is a sexist who has “white guilt”.
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   She will join the list of boycotted female TV stars, making it a backlash punishment to their mysogyny. The fan base that made these “stars” reach the pinnacle of their success have begun to withdraw support.
   Their base audience will melt away and It’s good bye to all female mysogynists on TV.
   The backlash is beginning and is too alrge to ignore.

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