Media Bitchfest

The truth is out there…

November 18th, 2005 by Bitchfest

I know we have been heavy on the sports bits lately, but this is the last one. We swear. Seriously. Unless someone else gets gangbanged… and it involves beer-teared cheerleaders going down on each other… on a boat… and someone checks the bag and finds Dub-C’s wee-wee.

Baring that, we’re done for a little while. Besides, this isn’t really even a sports thing, it’s a fucking conspiracy. Chicago Bears-style.

So two offensive linemen are at an FBI shooting range when one gets all uppity and pistol whips the other, breaking his jaw. Now the two are back to being best buddies.

Sure, just a regular case pigheaded athlete-rage right? Yeah, just like all the odd, and somehow unexplainable ways that the X-FILES ALWAYS BEGAN.

Mulder and Skully would be all over this. First, Skully would be all like “C’mon Mulder stop looking at the shell casings, this is just a routine job that they put us on because they hate you.” But then Mulder would be all like, “No, wait, the native tribe that used to inhabit this land used to believe that spirits could be summoned when an professional sports team has a chance to make the playoffs without 10 wins.”

BAM! 55 minutes later, Mulder is recovering from a mystic hatchet in the chest and Dana is learning another hard lesson about not being a hater.

Or something like that.

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